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15 Important Swinger Rules For Couples And Singles

Swinging can be a bit overwhelming for those who haven’t done it before. Inexperienced people have the perception that it’s about mindlessly swapping partners.

However, that cannot be further from the truth.

The key to making your first swinging experience memorable is to be prepared – otherwise, it will probably be your last.

In other words, rules for swingers are like the testaments for the believers – a road map to happiness by avoiding painful choices.

rules for swingers

This is why it’s important to familiarize yourself with the swinging rules. Failing to do so can damage the relationship with your partner and also make other couples uncomfortable.

In this article we’ve listed the most important rules for swingers so you can avoid negative consequences:


1. Discuss Comfort Levels With Your Partner

The most important rule for swingers new to this lifestyle is discussing boundaries.

Always develop a mutual understanding of how far to go before you engage with any couple.

Remember that swinging doesn’t always mean having penetrative sex.

Some couples only prefer foreplay and oral. While others may be down to have vaginal and even anal.

So, what are your limits as a couple?


2. Set a Codeword

Swinging can be overwhelming for first-timers, especially if you have a hard time controlling your nerves.

So the last thing you want is to make your experience awkward and uncomfortable by not knowing how to make it stop.

This is why we recommend setting a few codewords. Some codewords might indicate pleasure while others pain.

Use them while you’re sexually engaging with other couples so your partners know what’s going on with your feelings.


3. Practice Safe Sex

Unprotected sex is a risk that we’d never recommend taking. Even if you’re swinging with Bob and Mary who you’ve known for years.

You never know what goes on in their sex life. How active they have been in the lifestyle scene, and how seriously they take the safety measures.

This is why, whether you’re partner swapping with someone you already know or going to a swinger club – ALWAYS carry condoms.


4. Communicate Clearly

Like every sexual experience, if you want to make swinging memorable, then communicate clearly.

Talk to your partner if they like the couple you plan on engaging with. Share any kinks or sexual preferences you have.

At the same time, make an effort to understand what the other couple expects.

No one can read your mind, so unless you don’t tell them what you’re expecting, they wouldn’t know.


5. Drink Under a Limit

This is the most important swinger party rule.

Sure, drinking can set the tone and help you calm your nerves before you swing. But, we only recommend drinking under a limit.

Two glasses of wine or beer are enough to get tipsy. Any more than that would be a bad idea because you may lose control over yourself.

The last thing you want is to make the other couple feel uncomfortable just because you had a few more drinks than you could handle.


6. Listen to your Partner

Swinging is a mutual decision, and you should respect what your partner likes and dislikes.

If you’re planning to swing with a particular couple, but your partner doesn’t want to, then listen to what he/she prefers.

It will only be fun when both of you are into it and truly feel comfortable.


7. Adhere to Club Etiquettes

If you’re going to a swinger club then keep in mind that every club has its set of rules and guidelines that they’re quite strict about.

Some of the guidelines include having a particular dress code. Bringing your own booze. And not bringing any hidden cameras (for obvious reasons).

However, take your time to go through our city sex guides, and under the section “where to meet people for casual sex” you’ll find the sex clubs list. There are all the info that you need to have a great experience.

Yet, talk to the host upon your arrival.


8. Stay Quiet as a Voyeur

There’s nothing more annoying than being spectated by voyeurs who can’t stay quiet. 

So if you’re watching other couples, then make sure not to make unnecessary noise.


9. Clean Up your Own Mess

Just because someone enjoys having sex with you, doesn’t mean they’d also enjoy cleaning your gunk.

Whether you’re swinging in a lifestyle club, or at someone’s home, don’t forget to clean your mess. That shows respect for others.


10. Take it Slow

First-time couples should take it slow and spend some time at the first base.

And even if you have the no-kissing rule, then at least, get briefly acquainted with the couple.

Rushing into it may be too overwhelming for your partner, especially if he/she already has a hard time controlling their nerves.


11. Calm your Nerves

Keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong in telling the other couple that you’re nervous. They’ll go out of their way to make you relax.

A good way to relax before the action is to watch a porn movie with them. It helps to calm the nerves and also to build sexual tension.

And don’t forget to bring the booze.


12. Take Care of your Hygiene

This should already be obvious enough, but if it isn’t, then do not forget to take care of your hygiene.

Before you swing with a couple, make sure to take a shower, and especially wash your private parts.

And it doesn’t hurt to buy a perfume, and keep a mint because no one likes being around a bad body odor and breathe.


13. Consent is Key

Regardless of how deep you’re into the moment, don’t forget that consent is key.

The moment any of the sexual partners ask you to stop, you need to respect their decision.

This is also the reason we don’t recommend getting too drunk before swinging. Otherwise, it may become difficult for you to control yourself.


14. Don’t Undermine your Partner

If you value your relationship, then make sure not to make your partner feel insecure. Do not undermine their sexual prowess in front of another couple.

The only thing you would achieve by doing that is to make your partner feel hesitant for a second time.

And in the worst-case scenario, it may even permanently damage your relationship.


15. Be Courteous After Sex

You don’t have to exchange numbers and become best buddies with every couple you have sex with.

But the least you can do is to be courteous by being understanding, polite, and thoughtful.

In a nutshell, behave with them the same way you would expect them to behave towards you.


Why You Shouldn’t Break The Rules While Swinging

swinger couple breaking the rules

Breaking the rules while swinging can have some serious consequences and here are to name a few:


1. Ruins the Relationship with your Partner

Swinging is all about mutual understanding and agreement.

Forcing your partner to engage with another couple, or not respecting their sexual preferences can damage your relationship.

This is why avoid violating any of the rules that put your partner in an uncomfortable spot.


2. Risk of Sexually Transmitted Diseases

No matter how tempting it is, unprotected sex isn’t worth the risks it comes with.

Be extra careful especially if you’re in a swinger club and don’t personally know the couple. You never know how many people they may have slept with.

Instead of relying on others to bring protection, always have a pack of your own.


3. May get you Banned from the Swinger Club

If you’re going to a swinger club, then make sure to strictly follow their guidelines. Yet, they may not spell everything out for you.

This couple in the video suggests checking out their website before going so you’re better prepared. They have also other great advice for first-time swingers…

Yet, never forget to keep in mind the etiquettes of a lifestyle club that we’ve discussed above. Failing to do so can potentially get you banned from the premises.




  • Louise And Dan

    We are born and bred Californians who love socializing, adventures, and sex. Being active in the ethical non-monogamy communities here locally and online, it's only natural for us to start this site to provide a 100% honest source of information about the sexual lifestyle in some of the world’s liberated adult destinations. We spend most of our free time traveling to hook up with singles, couples, and people of all genders around the world.