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How To Build Sexual Tension With Flirting And Confidence

building sexual tension

You’re sitting next to a person and your heart suddenly starts beating faster.

There’s a mutual attraction in the air and your body is screaming at you to make a move, but somehow, you’re restraining yourself.

This is called sexual tension. It’s the bridge between flirting and intimacy where two people sexually crave each other but don’t act on their desires.

Building sexual tension with a person obviously requires confidence and good flirting skills.

So if you’re looking for some tips on how to build sexual tension then continue scrolling. But first, let’s understand what causes sexual tension.


What Causes Sexual Tension

Sexual tension is caused when two people are sexually attracted to each other but do not act on their desires.

Whether it’s your partner, colleague, friend, or even a stranger – you can develop sexual tension with anyone.

Most people often confuse lust with sexual tension. However, the main difference between the two is that sexual tension is always mutual while lust can be one-sided.


How To Create Sexual Tension With Any Partner

Even if you lack confidence and flirting skills, here are some tips to help you build sexual tension with anyone:


1. Spend More Alone Time Together

sexual tension with friend

If you’re trying to build sexual tension with a colleague or friend then start by spending more alone time with them.

You don’t necessarily have to invite them to your place. The two of you could go on lunch, a movie date, or even sit in a park.

Just make sure to keep things thrilling by subtly flirting from time to time. This would keep him/her intrigued and also help you avoid getting friend-zoned.

On the other hand, creating sexual tension with a stranger is a bit more challenging.

However, once you break the ice and get the digits, it once again becomes a game of flirting.


2. Get Physically Closer to Them

Creating sexual tension has a lot to do with first making the other person feel comfortable in your presence.

The easiest way to do that is by simply getting closer to them without invading their comfort zone. You don’t want to violate their personal space and look creepy.

4-6 feet would be a good starting distance as it’s not too close but enough to initiate a conversation and form a personal connection.


3. Smile and Maintain Eye Contact

There’s plenty of research to back up the fact that eye contact plays a detrimental role in developing attraction.

Follow it up with a friendly smile, and you’re sure to captivate them into thinking about what’s going on in your mind.

This, in particular, works great for women and usually gives men a clear signal of sexual interest.


4. Normalize Physical Contact

Normalizing casual touching is an important part of building sexual tension.

There are plenty of ways to go about it but in the beginning, you want to make it look “accidental”.

For instance, when you’re telling a story, you can place your hand on theirs for a few seconds.

Similarly, if you two are comfortable enough, you can even put your arm around his/her shoulder.

Once touching is normalized, you could slowly increase the duration of the physical contact – like making those hugs last a little longer.

Over time, this would make it clear to them that you have a romantic intent.

Just make sure that your touching doesn’t involve random pokes as that wouldn’t really turn him/her on.

Related: How To Touch A Girl To Build Attraction


5. Be Subtle and Mysterious

As we mentioned earlier, building sexual tension is all about dropping those subtle hints, yet, maintaining an aura of mystery.

So if you want to keep things interesting then don’t just completely hang yourself out there. Always make sure that your crush has plenty of things to learn about you.

When you’re flirting and have feelings for him/her, don’t confess. Even if they notice your intent, continue teasing them without admitting it.

Apparently, most women already know how to remain mysterious. So if you want to learn about The Mystery Effect as a man, then check out this video Marni explains it well:


6. Dress to Impress

Stylish and sexy dressing can go a long way in seducing a person all the while helping you feel more confident.

We aren’t asking you to be with a person who only cares about your looks, but dressing well can certainly catch his/her attention.

Plus, focusing on your dressing is especially important if you’re trying to hook up at work or you regularly go out to social venues.


7. Use Your Sense of Humor

A good sense of humor is often considered to be a sexy trait between both men and women.

So as surprising as this may sound, making him/her laugh can be a fantastic way to build sexual tension.

And if you have a dirty sense of humor then don’t shy away from subtly incorporating it into your jokes.

Just understand that there’s a fine line between being funny and risque. You should stand somewhere in between.


8. Tell Personal and Flirtatious Stories

telling flirtatious stories and jokes

Telling flirtatious stories, like that time when a girl/guy was hitting on you can help in building a more personal connection.

But of course, this doesn’t mean that you go on to talk about your exes and rant about the wrongs they have done to you.

The point of telling these stories is to make the atmosphere friendlier between the two of you and normalize such conversations.

You can even use the surroundings to your benefit. Like if a couple is making out near you two, you could go like “I never knew this was such a good makeout spot”.


9. Pull Away From a Kiss

Before you jump into a makeout session, there’s one last trick that can help you make the sexual tension go through the roof.

That is to kiss him/her once and then come an inch closer to their lips, only to pull away for a few seconds.

This might sound counter-intuitive, but believe us that it can make your partner feel all the more excited. Plus, it keeps things mysterious and shows that you’re not desperate to get laid.

Besides, going too fast after the first kiss might be overwhelming for your partner and kill the romantic opportunity altogether.

So if you two are outside, you can even use the time to tell them that you want to continue this in the bedroom.




  • Louise And Dan

    We are born and bred Californians who love socializing, adventures, and sex. Being active in the ethical non-monogamy communities here locally and online, it's only natural for us to start this site to provide a 100% honest source of information about the sexual lifestyle in some of the world’s liberated adult destinations. We spend most of our free time traveling to hook up with singles, couples, and people of all genders around the world.