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Why Do Guys Just Want To Hook Up With Me? 10 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Date You

You’ve met several guys but you can’t still find a man to settle down with. And you don’t have any idea why.

After all, you’re attractive because guys want to hook up with you, but not date you.

guy want to hook up with me nut not date me

So, why the guys won’t commit to a relationship with you?

There are several reasons why I was perpetually singles, but now that I’m 37 and happily married, I realize that some of those reasons weren’t so obvious.

Before we get into it, it’s also important to understand that being single and having only casual sex doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

It often comes down to the places where you meet men and how things develop.

However, you can change your situation for the better if you find out the reasons why you can’t find a boyfriend. Then you can work on rectifying it.

Here are 9 reasons that can explain why guys want only to hook up with you.


1. You’re Too Carefree With Sex

Even if a lot of people are up for equality nowadays, the reality is that many still believe in old practices. This scenario is usually common with men who are a bit traditional about sticking to gender roles.

In effect, they’re the type who don’t feel like getting serious with a girl who’s too carefree with sex. As a result, these guys only want to commit when the girl they’re into doesn’t look easy or slutty to them.


2. You Started As A Hook Up

You shouldn’t wonder why do guys just want to hook up with me if you always start flirting with men. And then you keep it casual.

What’s more, if you never expressed or show any interest in being serious from the start, then your partner won’t have a clue.

Rarely do guys know what you want unless you tell them. This is supported by this Psychology Today article that says guys are more emotionally clueless than women.


3. He’s Already Getting Sex

It seems harsh, but the truth is many guys only want sex and nothing else. Therefore, they don’t see the point in having a serious relationship when they’re already getting laid.

Since he gets the perks of a boyfriend without actually being one, he’ll feel no need to change anything.

And when the sex is too good, guys hook up with the same girl over and over again.


4. You’re Not Girlfriend Material To Him

If he doesn’t feel that you’re girlfriend material, then that’s it. He’s not going to commit or even think of you as a possible long-term serious partner since he can’t see a future with you.

For instance, Matthew Hussey points out that many women’s Instagram accounts are filled with sexy pictures. And then they are surprised why men see them only sexually.

Appearance is important as well as manner. So make sure to work on yourself to be seen as a girlfriend material rather than a hookup.


5. He Isn’t Attracted To You

It might sound incredible that a guy can get laid with a girl who isn’t attracted to. But it happens more often than you think.

For example, hooking up at a party after too many drinks is common. Not only people are less shy but they also see others as more attractive.

So when you go to the next party, don’t wonder why guys ignore you after hooking up.


6. You Don’t Talk About Getting Serious

Although many serious relationships begin from casual ones, the change won’t happen if you don’t even talk about it.

In this case, your attention shouldn’t be why do guys just want to hook up with me. Instead, it should be on how to talk to them about getting serious.

Besides, if you don’t bring it up, they’ll think you’re happy with your current setup. This means you have to speak up about your intentions to get serious.


7. You Didn’t Value Him Enough

Men generally have an image that they’re tough and out of touch with their emotions. Yet, they’re actually sensitive and needy when it comes to relationships.

This is clarified in this article by The Date Mix, which focuses on the 7 important things men need from women.

Having said that, if you don’t make a guy feel valued or prioritized, he won’t want to be with you for real. Aside from that, he won’t stay where he’s not wanted.


8. You Go For Fuckboys

When you meet guys in nightlife venues, the chances to hook up with a fuckboy are extremely high. You shouldn’t be surprised to find only hookups in such places.

Unlikely such guys will change their minds later on.


9. You Don’t Look Like You Want To Commit

In general, most guys don’t want to take risks in relationships. Especially when it comes to self-esteem.

On account of this, you won’t appeal to a guy as girlfriend material if he thinks that you’re not ready to commit.

For one thing, they prefer to make safe decisions to save face and avoid rejection.

In short, men don’t want to take any chance of getting hurt. Thus they go for girls who they’re sure of and also offer the best stability.


10. You’re Too Desperate

Though men enjoy the security of girls who like them, they’re not fans of desperate women. In fact, it’s an instant turn off for guys because there’s no challenge.

Apart from that, those that always answer booty calls and reply to hook up texts will come off as dull and easy.

So if you’re thinking, why guys just want to hook up with me but not date me, then you should check if you act like this with them.




  • Ashley Miller

    Ashley Miller is a Dating Coach and author for She teaches women how to deal with self-esteem and insecurities issues and how to flirt, have casual hookups, or get into a serious relationship. She has many years of personal coaching experience and is particularly passionate about helping people to find dating success regardless of race or gender. You will find her cooking delicious pies, enjoying a book, or playing skying in her free time.