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How Long Does a Hook Up Last? And 5 Tips To Go The Next Level

The whole idea behind hookups is to engage in a no-strings-attached sexual relationship at first. But it can either become a long-term thing or end with a one-time fling.

But what if you start developing feelings for your hookup partner? Is it possible to take things to the next level?

To know that, you first need to learn how long does a hook up lasts on average. That’s easy to answer, a hook up usually lasts about 3 months.

Yet, the most important thing you need to learn is to know at which different levels of hooking up you’re at. This will help you determine where you fit in and which strategy to pursue.

Let’s begin!


Levels of Hooking Up

different levels of hooking up with someone

To remove the confusion created in our hook up culture, here are the different levels of hooking (stages) so you can get a better idea of where you’re at:


Level 1: One-Night Stand

Whether you meet someone online, in a nightclub, bar, coffee shop, or a yoga class, it doesn’t matter.

The day can end in one of two ways:

  1. In a one-night stand that you’ll remember for years to come.
  2. Awkward sex that you’d prefer forgetting about.

Regardless of how it goes, this will be the beginning of your sexual history with him/her.

How things unfold next, depends on a number of things, so let’s look at stage 2.


Level 2: Reload and Try Again

This stage is all about giving it another go and seeing the person again.

One reason for that could be because the sex was too darn good the last time and now, you want more.

But another reason could also be because you both were drunk and would like to try again without being intoxicated.

Whatever the reason, this stage is crucial to determine if there is any chemistry. So, make sure you give your best in the bed and don’t be clingy.


Level 3: The Sexual Pursuit

By now, you two are probably at the “booty call” phase. That means you can text hook up messages at odd hours without feeling weird.

But this is also the stage where things start becoming a bit confusing, especially for women.

This study suggests that women show more emotional expressivity than men. If they start to develop any feelings, it becomes difficult to conceal them.

On the other hand, social psychologists say that men are better at accepting sex without love.

This is why by this point, it’s only natural for our female readers to overthink why a guy keeps coming back for hookups and also wondering if men can sleep with a woman without developing feelings.


Level 4: Friends with Benefits

At this stage, you start mattering to the person you’ve been hooking up with. Instead of just seeing you as a play partner, they start seeing you as a person.

After all, you two have been fucking for a while now, so it’s only natural to develop a connection.

You’re not a casual sex partner anymore, but already a friend with benefits. The subtle difference is that a friend with benefits relationship has some familiarity.

Once you’re here, it is easy to take things in a romantic direction – which also brings us to the last stage.


Level 5: Decision Time

A hook up usually lasts anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months when formed online. But if you know the person in real life, the duration might be slightly longer.

After 3 months when people reach this stage, they have a pretty good idea of whether they’re compatible and would like to carry on the relationship.

There are two potential outcomes at this stage:

  • You two could transition from friends with benefits to something more serious.
  • It could be the end of the road due to how complicated things are starting to become.

This is why the final stage is called “decision time”.

Either way, it’s highly unlikely that you would continue having regular hookups after this with the same person.


Tips to Take your Casual Relationship to the Next Levels

Letting a casual relationship take is course not always work out. If you really want your hook up to become a relationship, these 5 tips will help you:


1. Make the Sex Irresistible

couple using sex toy with someone during hook up

At the start, your goal should be to reach the friends with benefits stage. And the best way to it is by making the sex irresistible.

The reason for that is, he/she become sexually dependent on you. After all, people do things again only if they are pleasurable.

Don’t shy away by using sex toys or play sex games, the more creative you’re the better sex will be. If you don’t know where how to get started, we’ve written a few fun things to do when hooking up with someone.


2. Engage in Casual Conversations

Until now, the only time you two probably talk is to decide when and where to hook up. But if you want to change that, then start slowly breaking the ice by making sure that you do not look clingy.

It could be something as small as asking your hookup partner if they reached home safely. Or simply, laying in the bed for a while after sex, and starting a conversation.

On the contrary, a firm handshake or high-five before leaving can also take things in a friendlier direction.


3. Try Making More Plans

couple hooking up at a bar

When we say plans, we’re not talking about sexual plans. Sure, exploring some kinks is always a great idea, but try asking for casual hangouts.

Don’t expect too much at the beginning, but try observing how he/she reacts to it. In the best-case scenario, he/she wouldn’t hesitate in picking a day and time to go out.

This would indicate that the feeling is mutual. But usually, it doesn’t happen that easily.


4. Don’t Give Away Too Much

It’s now time that you reconsider your sexual availability. You two have probably hooked up a couple of times.

And now that he/she has become sexually dependent on you, slowly pull away.

Instead of giving it all in one go, start teasing through text messages or in real life. Keep him/her curious about what you want, especially, if you’re trying to win a guy over.

The easier it is for him to get sex, the lesser he’d think about a serious relationship.


5. Make Him/Her Feel Emotionally Attached

If you want to reach someone’s heart, you first have to make them emotionally attached to you.

And oxytocin plays a huge role in doing that. Also known as the “love hormone”, oxytocin is what makes people feel emotionally attached.

In women, the hormone sky-rockets during sex and orgasm. This is why women tend to get emotionally attached faster than men.

So for men, it might be easier to make her feel emotionally attached after a great session.

But for women, making him feel emotionally attached is a bit challenging, but not impossible.

Respective of genders, once you develop an emotional bond, things naturally start flowing towards a more serious direction.


Why It Doesn’t Take Long For A Hook Up To Become A Relationship?

The reason is it can be difficult for some people to keep sex separate from love. And when your hookup starts to develop feelings for you, it doesn’t take much going to the next level.

But before that, you have to assess at which levels of hooking up you are at. After that, follow our tips to work your way up accordingly.




  • Louise And Dan

    We are born and bred Californians who love socializing, adventures, and sex. Being active in the ethical non-monogamy communities here locally and online, it's only natural for us to start this site to provide a 100% honest source of information about the sexual lifestyle in some of the world’s liberated adult destinations. We spend most of our free time traveling to hook up with singles, couples, and people of all genders around the world.